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Thursday, July 30, 2009


Oh thank God!
We’re saved!

Now that the Beer Summit has happened, our entire world is different. No longer will people be screaming about their poor abused rights. No longer will we have to worry about sliding into a police-state with every wonderful thing that goes along with that.

No longer will we have to worry about “collective” mentality political correctness.

Anyone remember the icky “Borg” thingies in Star Trek? No? Well, it’s OK, we don’t have to worry about any of it anymore, because the Beer Summit has solved it all. And how could there have been any other outcome? Two lawyers, a president who used to be a lawyer, a police officer and some dorky professor – yep, bound to have a great outcome there.

Anyone remember Gilligan’s Island? There was a professor there too, and a big business guy and his stuffy wife – and a couple hot chicks. Oh yeah- and two sailors – one of them an idiot.

Nothing could possibly go wrong there.

Anyone notice they never got off the island – not really. And so, any predictions that the Beer Summit might get us off the finger-pointing, name-calling, PR-spinning, lawyer employing, media-dancing island of Dr. Moreau, which we all seem to be stuck on, are baseless.

In the spirit of total transparency, I should say that I’ve started this story before the conclusion of the big event. Why? Because I just had to bring you live, the results of the beer summit.

Oh yeah, baby. Like sitting waiting to see how Gilligan was going to deal with the ticking WWII anti-ship mine, I am sitting here waiting for the start of the Beer Summit and the conclusion, which will mean the rescue of us all from this island called “The cops behaved Stupidly-land.”

What does it mean to be rescued? Well, for a start, the 100-times more we are spending on Medicare – not to worry. We’re going to have a better program… a socialized one. You don’t get to come off the island, but we are all going to be healthier because we won’t be allowed to buy and drink beer – or smoke, like the President – that’s unhealthy and will harm the “collective.”

We won’t have to worry about anything really, because the government will provide re-education squads to deal with those who are too concerned. Being overly-concerned might produce stress, and that’s bad for the collective and the island as a whole.

And we’re going to be safe too, because a “citizen army” will oversee everyone and be as well- funded and equipped as our military. After all, we can’t trust those evil, racially motivated police officers anymore. But your neighbor in the brown shirt, peering over your fence with opera glasses – yeah, he’s OK. Nothing to worry about.- just a Pelosi citizen soldier.

We’re not going to have to get off the island anyway, because this probably all happened before.

In a place called Atlantis.

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