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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

RAT WATCH

Here’s a new item on the Jolly Rogers – and yes you can participate. I write that now, up front, because when you know what this is, you’ll be so excited, you just won’t be able to stand it.

Yep. It’s finally here… The Jolly Rogers – Rat Watch.

Why can we do this? Why not? There’s so many rodents showing up in the news lately, it’s hard to keep track of them all. And since they run like roaches when the lights are switched on, we here, in the Jolly newsroom have developed a special light based on LRPS (Long Range Personnel Sensor), infra-red technology and the CIA’s former Remote Viewing program.

This allows us to spot the rats at a safe distance. We were originally considering asking Obama to task a Satellite for this purpose, but then he hasn’t answered any of our recent questions, so we figured we’d be out of luck on that one. But if you happen to be at a Latino dance with him, or wandering around some golf course, or trying to help him find his way out of a maze of solar panels or a dark theater in the White House, you can ask him for us.

Rat Watch. Yeah baby.

Today’s nomination – and number one fat rat, is Congressman Alan Grayson, who allegedly represents the 8th District of Florida. I say allegedly because his recent comments calling an advisor to the Federal Reserve Chairman a “K-Street Whore,” kind of sets him apart in a very distinct kind of “scumbag” category. The comment was made on the Alex Jones radio show. Although he has apologized for this, the guy (who’s website is congressmanwithguts.com), dodges questions by the press, saying that they would need to “make an appointment.” He’ll never make an appointment to talk about this. Nothing will happen.

Why? He’s hiding in his office and he’s just one big, fat rat.

Congressman Alan Grayson – Rat number one.

Oh there’s just so many to choose from. I will be running Rat Watch in the column at right. So, if you have a nominee, send an email to Blackstarfish@cableone.net. We will review your nominee and reasoning for the nomination, then sling their big butt up onto our specialized Fat Rat scale.

Like Monty Python said, if they “weigh the same as a duck,” they’re made of wood, and therefore,

They’re a rat.

Ok. That’s not the conclusion Monty Python came up with, but I’m going to roll with it.

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