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Friday, October 2, 2009

An Olympic sized failure can be a huge win...

In 2016 the Olympics won’t be held in Chicago.

Did anyone else see that one coming?

You don’t have to be Nostradamus to see that most everyone in the world doesn’t like Americans – and that the 2009 Presidential Apology Tour wasn’t going to gain us much ground anywhere – even in Copenhagen.

And even with Oprah along – remember she so jubilantly identified him as “The One,” during the Presidential campaign. At the time I thought that might be a loose reference to Keannu Reaves in the Matrix movies.

But now we have seen that he is not The One, but rather more like the janitor who accidentally turned the whole machine system on – and now like all the rest of us, he too is caught in it. Just for a moment, imagine that flight back to the States. One big pity party with Oprah – the cost of sending three people over for last minute negotiations in Copenhagen, more than two million dollars – the opportunity to dine on crow yet again – priceless.

So what now? Do we just sit and wait to be plugged into the machine?

With my tiny readership, I doubt that these words would ever get anywhere they might do some good and make some sense, but here’s the thing.

President Obama,

If I were you – and I could not remotely be mistaken for Keannu Reaves – but if I were you, I’d ask all three of you to put down that bottle of Scotch and divert your aircraft to Afghanistan. There you will find troops who will be overjoyed to meet the richest woman in the world, and she can do some good there.

Meanwhile, you and the missus could trot on over to General-land and get a nice plan worked out for dealing with the people in the world who want to kill us. Because I’m a little more worried about those guys than I am about some guy in spandex beating our U.S. competitors in gymnastics.

You could say important stuff like,”Sure General, I perfectly understand your need for more troops and we are going to send them immediately.” And the General could say stuff like, “Thank you, sir.” And the troops could chant stuff like “Oprah, Oprah, Oprah.” Sorry, I’m just winging it here – couldn’t imagine how I’d feel about Oprah visiting me in the field.

Anyway, that’s what I’d do. Then I’d get on the phone and tell those monkeys in Congress that you’ve had enough of their chattering and you’d really like it if they just did the following:

1. * Toss out all current health care reform packages.

2. * Drop Cap and Trade. If the world isn’t going to kiss your butt with the Olympics, they’re likely not going to hobble their economies for some whack-job environmentalist stuff.

3. * Give our small business people half a chance and drop whole sections of government code, which have a stranglehold on these guys, and are killing the job market.

4. * Tell whoever it is that controls the water spigots to those poor farmers in California to turn the water back on. For God’s sake, man. That’s such an easy one, I don’t understand how you could screw it up.

5. * Get someone to look into the case of Sgt. Michael Ferschke Jr. His wife needs help to allow her to raise her son in her dead husband’s hometown. Ferschke died for us. It’s the least we can do.

6. * Get some additional funds slated to help families lodge near the hospitals where our most seriously wounded troops are being cared for. I don’t care what that costs to do – neither should Oprah after visiting the boys and girls in Afghanistan. Denzel did it. He's the man!

7. * Get rid of the tele-prompters. If you can’t stand up there like a man and tell it like it is without all the PR grooming, I don’t want to listen to it.

8. * Call for a sweeping investigation of Acorn – don’t claim you have better things to do, or that you don’t know who they are – or any of this other Alice in Wonderland act you’ve been doing.

9. * Remove the czars. Czars will become scars - on our government’s system. We are using these fools to circumvent our standard government practices – and like band-aids on sucking chest wounds, they are a bit inadequate. Don’t know what a “sucking chest wound” is – ask the troops before you leave.

Lastly, pal, don’t blame this failure on Bush – suck it up like a real man. Some things just simply go pear-shaped. You can’t avoid it. But you can try to be brave and tough and just get things done despite all the difficulties and responsibilities being heaped upon you.

In the end, if you are real – and honest, and you care – the American people will be OK with hardship and loss and pain. They will be OK with rebuilding and reshaping their communities and businesses and developing a country we can pass on to our grandchildren with pride.

God, I really want to be able to do that.

But, I expect you will do exactly the opposite of all this. You will go back to Washington and apologize once more. You will no doubt get on TV again and say something like “Blah,blah,blah – Bush – blah, blah, blah – Olympics.” You won’t listen to the American people because you believe yourself to be King, not a President.

You won’t do what’s right for our troops and their families, because you’re too busy screwing with our lives – and our way of life - in such dramatic, imaginative ways.

But I wish you’d listen. I wish you’d read this and take it for what it is, an honest critique - a gentle list of suggestions from someone who is way below the mainstream

But you won’t.

No one will.

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