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Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Prosecuting the CIA - the Jolly Rogers Polls

What are the odds that Obama would give a comforting speech to members of the CIA, then the Attorney General would attack this same agency, trying to nail them to the wall for over-the-top interrogations?

Don’t know. Not sure it matters a whole lot with everything that’s happening in today’s world.

But I do know it’s ripe for a now-famous Jolly Rogers poll.

So here we go. These were complicated questions, so I’m just going to hit on the highlights:

First, our massive polling audience determined that terrorists are pretty much whack-jobs who don’t deserve to be treated as common criminals. Only one person wanted to read them their Miranda rights. Whoever you are, I would recommend becoming an Obama volunteer – they could use you for that job. Really.

Second question in our polling marathon referred to the method we should use in interrogations. Being a good reporter, I wanted you to have as many options as possible. Forty-four percent of those asked believed interrogations should be left with the CIA (just get results, they don’t want to know what’s going on). Twenty-two percent of those polled, however believed that torture is useless and we shouldn’t engage in it at all. Eleven percent were a bit more specific in their wishes, and wanted to go with the whole fingernail thing, although I believe this group of folks would be open to adventures in dentistry. Another 11 percent believes that we should give some of the oldies a try – rack-em or scourge em, and another 11 percent went with another great oldie – the stocks (it’s public and fun!)

But friends, as is often the case here in the Jolly Rogers newsroom, things do get serious. We have to ask the question “should we prosecute people for actions now considered to be over-the-top by the current administration. Forty-four percent of the people out there believe this kind of action only happens in countries where the leopard fez is a popular fashion statement. Twenty-two percent believe we should investigate everyone for everything and 33 percent said it just all makes their head hurt – and please make it go away.

Lastly, we need to know if we should just stop with the whole health care thing and focus on the horrifying interrogation problem. Eighty-eight percent believe we need to stay focused on health care – so my apologies to the other 11 percent who just want more interrogations – of the interrogators. They don’t think we should use enhanced interrogations for that round of questioning, though.

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